Love
Is to understand, respect and comprehend.
There will be ups and downs.
But together we can make it, hand in hand.

Problems
Can evolve into wounds that are painful.
Over a period of time, they will scar.
But remember what we had, was beautiful.
Look on the brighter side, it's not very far.

Thank you
For being my eye when I cannot see.
My ears when I didn't hear.
To spend time explaining things to me.
Even if it took me ages to register.

I'm sorry
That I cannot comprehend with certain things.
Or understand what's it like to be in your shoes.
But thank you for letting me in.
And allowing me to understand your woes.

I appreciate
Everything we had.
And the crazy things we do.
We were both happy and mad.
Yet we still made it through.

All I'm asking
Don't take me for granted.
And promise me, that you will stay true.
This is all I ever wanted.
Loving me whole heartedly will do.

Love
Alicia

Completely oblivious

And emotionless....

I don't want to feel.

Dreaming is over.

Must snap myself back into reality.

That's the way it should be.

"Wake up bitch!"

And good morning to myself once more

:random:

Of waking up in the morning thinking what's next?

A day passes by like time doesn't exist.

Each minute passed, is 60 seconds wasted.

Every time I think about that, I wonder what have I done to live my life to its fullest.

Partying. checked
Working. checked

What else?

The thought and feeling that my life is empty, sickens me to the bone.

The friends say, go get a partner/bf/playmate

LOL!

unchecked.

Will let that delay till I'm ready to roll the ball

I was reading all my previous journals from the past...

Boy, did I have a lot to say

Ironically, I was once a very happy girl.

Very hyper, full of energy and on the go...

At some point I just stopped, and became emo.

As far as I can remember, I spent at least 8 years feeling negative about everything in life.

I tried to feel sane, to keep being optimistic no matter what.

But I felt tired doing it...

So I stopped.

I don't remember how I felt exactly.

Maybe I just stopped having emotions.

Or perhaps, never bothered to be happy.

I don't know why I was so negative back then..

Maybe its part of growing up?

I only remembered feeling sick of my life.

Because everything wasn't going right.

I had either a) suicide OR b) drop everything and move on..

I tried both.. Pretty obvious which one worked out hey

In this process of searching for myself and happiness I had to go through pain.

Moving on wasn't easy. I had a lot of encounters.

I don't know what kept me going, but I blindly moved forward.

Through pain, I appreciated healing.

I learned that the healing process hurts..

And it can take its time to heal... Perhaps days, weeks, months..

Even years.

Through healing, I learned patience.

Though at that moment, it felt like this want for cure would've taken forever.

I felt the need to wait.

Anyway I started off with pain. If I couldn't find the perfect remedy to heal..

I wouldn't lose anything...

While waiting, I understood the meaning of appreciation.

Appreciation towards so many things. I don't know where to start...

Family, friends, time, myself... The little things you take for granted in life.

I feel happy yet sad. Mostly happy because I am healing.

Sad because I wasted my life.

I regret on things I didn't do, more than the things I've done.

It took me 8 years to be here..

I am glad, I made it this far

I've been away for a while. Since my trip back to Malaysia, I've been busy visiting friends and family, traveling, and getting a job.

Now that I've found a job, I've been busy working.

I don't have the single mindedness to lift my camera and start shooting things.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I might lose my interest in Photography and Photomanipulation.

A few things I want/need to do:
a) Photography
b) Japanese Classes
c) Mandarin Classes
d) Start saving up to either
i. buy property
ii. open a franchise
e) Work out.


Constant reminder to myself in case of lost identity or self doubt

It took me 22 years to develop self confidence. I'm not going to allow stereotyping to ruin it.

I cannot make the whole world like me. I'm not here to please society.

It's okay to be weird, because we exist to make other ppl look sane

I don't think it's wrong to be comfortable in my own skin